Professor Amanda Kirby, CEO of Do-IT Solutions., Campaigner for Neurodiversity, Medic, Knowledge Translator, researcher.

Originally published as part of The Neurodiversity 101 LinkedIn Newsletter.

What is resilience?

The word “resilience” comes from the Latin verb “resilire,” meaning “to jump back” or “to recoil”. This root word, “resilire,” is related to the verb “salire,” meaning “to leap”.

Think of a spring or a piece of elastic… we can stretch to an extent but can manage to reshape…. We are a bit like that unless we get stretched out of shape … or for too long … or too many times. ( Enough with the metaphors!).

In the last few years I have had a number of BIG hurdles put up for me to climb over, crawl through or find a way around them. Some days it felt like there was a tsunami rather than a trickle.

At times I wanted to climb into bed, put the covers over my head, and pretend it would be gone by the morning.( It never is).

What I learned is that we have more capacity to cope than we think we have. That is not to say at times challenges feel unsurmountable. I have learned a hard lesson as I am fiercely independent – you cannot do this alone! Friends and family have been amazing and have been amazing and I have been fortunate to have them around me. What I learned also I have to expose myself to sharing with others I have been vulnerable… and this was very hard.

What is resilience all about?

Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant sources of stress, and to bounce back from difficulties. It’s not a fixed trait, but rather a process that develops through interactions with others, and involves both mental and emotional flexibility. Resilient individuals can cope with challenges, maintain well-being, and move forward even after experiencing hardship.

Resilience isn’t just about ‘bouncing back’. I have written about this before.

Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

I am not sure that is always true!

This was something commented a lot in times of Covid.. bounce back better was a phrase being used…. It’s about having the right supports, systems and self-awareness to keep going — and even thrive — when things are tough. For neurodivergent people, this can look different and it’s essential to recognise what this looks like for each of us.

We know that people with, for example, ADHD, autism, DCD, dyslexia and other neurodivergent traits may face more barriers, misunderstandings and daily friction than their peers. As well as this can be associated and sometimes prolonged physical or mental health issues, discrimination, strained relationships, loneliness, financial struggles, and limited access to essential services. Additionally, chronic stress, experiences of burnout, lack of social support, and negative thinking patterns can also impede resilience ( your inner voice talking too loud).

So how do we build resilience that works?

There is extensive evidence from the positive psychology movement, from Seligman and others about factors that can aid resilience.

“A resilient person works through challenges by using personal resources, strengths, and other positive capacities of psychological capital like hope, optimism, and self-efficacy.”

Some of this work has focused on army personnel and their reaction to trauma and understanding what made some people cope and others collapse. Seligman found there were certain factors that made a difference including an optimistic framing. He developed training courses to teach them relating to (PERMA):

• Positive emotions
• Engagement
• Relationships
• Meaning
• Accomplishments

Anne Masten has also undertaken extensive research in the field of resilience with a wide range of different populations globally and makes an important point:

“multiple domains of life need to be considered in thinking about resilience, and individuals usually vary across domains in how well they are functioning.”

Her definition of resilience is more about systems:

“Resilience refers to the capacity of a dynamic system to adapt successfully to disturbances that threaten the viability, the function, or the development of that system” (Masten 2014a, 2014b).

✅ Start with strengths Recognise and celebrate what someone can do. Building confidence in areas of competence fuels motivation and persistence. Work out what you can do well and voice this to others as well.. ask people who care about you to help you describe this.

✅ Reduce the noise and load : Clearer communication, consistent routines and reduced cognitive load help everyone — but particularly those who may struggle with working memory, sensory overload or organisation. Chaos is exhausting! Fatigue does not allow you to cope as well. Get fit! Discuss potential solutions with others and test them out to see if they are practical and realistic. See a challenge as a problem to be solved and not a barrier to progress… and recognise how much you have learned even if it hasn’t worked out well… what can you take from it?

✅ Create safe spaces – Psychological safety allows people to ask for help, admit when they’re struggling, and try again. Resilience grows in environments where failure isn’t punished, but seen as part of learning. Find people who can listen and support you so you are not alone.

✅ Offer flexible, proactive support – Adjustments shouldn’t wait for crisis. Coaching, mentoring, tech tools and peer support can build confidence before challenges escalate. The more we can prepare… rather than repair means you will increase your resilience in times of challenge or change.

✅ Foster connection – Isolation erodes resilience. Community, inclusion and being understood by peers or mentors can make all the difference. Don’t think you are the only person feeling the way you do. Smile and talk to people around you; join groups online/offline. It is hard making the first step but try and if that isn’t working, try again.. somewhere else…

Resilience isn’t a solo act. It’s something we build with people, not impose on them. If we want to support neurodivergent colleagues, friends and family to thrive, we need to move away from expecting them to ‘cope’ and instead design environments where they don’t have to constantly compensate. We can only do this together…

That’s real resilience.

Blog Author

I am Amanda Kirby, CEO of Do-IT Solutions a tech-for-good company that delivers thought provoking consultancy and neuroinclusive guidance and training. We have developed cutting edge web-based screening tools that have helped 10s of 1000s of people. We strive to deliver person-centered solutions relating to neurodiversity and wellbeing.

I am a mixed bag of experiences and skills, an odd ball… and have 25+ years of working in the field of neurodiversity.

I am a medical doctor, Professor, and have a Ph.D. in the field of neurodiversity; parent and grandparent to neurodivergent wonderful kids and am neurodivergent myself.

Theo Smith and I wrote the UK award-winning book Neurodiversity at Work Drive Innovation, Performance, and Productivity with a Neurodiverse Workforce. My 10th book came out called Neurodiversity and Education in March this year. Excitingly, Theo and I have another book coming out next year!